MONDAY– According to sources, last night was a big night for President Livingstone and her posse of middle-aged empty-nester wine sisters, who refer to themselves as the “Cabearnets.” On the cusp of the annual Homecoming Parade, the posse stumbled into a Bellmead tattoo parlor in a drunken stupor, and after flirting with the artist with the least unsettling tattoos, the Baylor president became elated. 

 

“Oh my god, you guys,” said President Livingstone, reportedly. “What if- you guys- what if we got, like- like matching tattoos. Like all of us got the same tattoo. Then we can go to Freight and slam some tequuuiillaaaa!” 

 

“Oh my god, Linda. You crazy bitch,” said one of the administrators, who preferred to stay anonymous. “That’s genius. You’re so skinny today.” 

 

The tattoo itself was first revealed the following morning after a brief meeting with the Board of Regents, who issued a public statement to the Baylor student body calling the tattoo “a tribute to the Mission of Baylor University, its faculty and staff” and “totally badass.” 

 

President Livingstone herself held a public conference in which she rolled up the sleeve of her green suit jacket, holding her arm out for the public to see.

 

“I am pleased to announce to the Baylor family that it, like, totally did not hurt, but it does kinda itch,” said a smiling President Livingstone. “I’m not going to scratch it though, because I read online that it causes it to fade and stuff.” 

 

This historic achievement is another first set by President Livinstone, as this makes her the first female Baylor University President to get a wrist tattoo. The achievement for first wrist tattoo goes to former Baylor President Ken Starr, who had “REMINDER: MAKE SURE THAT THING DOESN’T GET TO THE PUBLIC” inked across the length of forearms. 

 

The title holder for first tattoo goes to former president Oscar Henry “Dog Thrower” Cooper, who is fondly remembered for tossing an absolute dime out a 3rd story window in the form of a small terrier (that really happened, that was a real thing that happened and you can actually look it up right now). Cooper reportedly had both a barbed wire, which circled his left arm, as well as a series of small lines on his chest, which he famously claimed that only the man or beast who slayed him in combat would understand. 

 

For now Baylor et. al, have a new inked visage to celebrate a new vision at Baylor, who are proud to accept the words permanently marked on her arm: 

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