Meet The Brothers
A Bodacious Bunch of Brothers Boasting Babout Bhemselves
Bro. Thomas AquiNoZe
οἴμ᾽ ὡς λάλημα δῆλον ἐκπεφυκὸς εἶ.
Bro. Jack SparNoZe
Bro. LeoNoze Messi moonlights as Jack SparNoZe on occasion, he has also been known to take the form of The MandNoZelorian and NozeTimus Prime. He can bench 400 pounds and is the reigning Beer Pong Co-Champion, along with Bro. Thomas AquiNoZe. In addition to his incredible talents, Bro. Messi also has a soft side. He has spoken to exactly 3 women, and none of them spoke back.
Bro. Legend of Sleepy HollNoZe
Bro. Evel KnieveNoZe
This Bro loves America. Do you?
Bro. Bass NoZe Shop
Honored one throughout heaven and earth—my drip too hard, my smoke too tough, my attendance too scarce. Majoring in cave meditation with a focus on bong rips and eschatological bathos. Hell yeah Praise Jesus Christ, free Palestine, free Tay-K, shoutout mental illness. Kyrie Eleison.
Bro. Hugh HefNoZe
Sniffer of all things stinky. Tinkerer of all things twinky. Born for direct eye contact missionary, forced into bondage. Lover of all things food except for food lovers. DOGTOOTH cause my face is smothered.
Bro. Istanbul (Not ConstantiNoZeple
Woefully Hellenic. Flimsy of spear. Perennially debaucherous. Bro. Istanbul (Not ConstantiNoZeple) has yet to encounter a woman he cannot talk over softly and efficiently, a corner he cannot fall asleep in, or a cigarette he cannot bum. Born with a (really very) savantish ability to write smutty dialogue, Bro. Istanbul has generously reoriented his talents towards gleefully skimming off the comedic layer of fat that rises off the fragrant, simmering pot that is the sorority. Keko mucky muck.
Bro. Frank NoZecean
248 years YOUNG! Doesn’t wet the bed anymore. Holds an impressive amount of anger in every day life because she never got the chance to f*ck JFK Jr. Described as a bitch by those closest to her and a sweetheart by those who don’t know she’s a bitch yet. [Insert Taylor Swift lyric because woman brother].
Born in the muck pits of Sleepy Hollow, Bro. Legend of Sleepy HollNoZe is the last living survivor of the public guillotine, first receiver of heavenly hog head, and 281st to find the true meaning of the universe (it's drinking and driving). If you ever see him, no you didn't. if you ever heard him, no you humn't. If you ever tasted him, don't call him back. Worst sex he ever had. Stop reading now or ejaculate on the spot.
Bro. LeoNoZe Nimoy
Live long, Die young, Drink piss, Smoke beer, F*ck men, Drink more piss, Get f*cked BY men, Become depressed, Get into gardening because it makes for a very therapeutic hobby, Shoot yourself when the begonias don’t blossom in season,
and Prosper.
Bro. November Oscar Zulu Echo
Currently deployed. Hasn't yet found out about the troop recall from Afghanistan.
Bro. Pink FlamingNoZe
I am the pimp of my own Destiny. Born to burn out, forced to become a supernova, I have done everything. Whatever you’re thinking, I did it aggressively, and lasted a long time. Some would say too long. My bank account, Border Security charges, and cup runneth over. My political beliefs are simple: kill everyone now. Condone first degree murder, advocate cannibalism, eat shit. Filth are my politics, filth is my life. Just let me fuck Gumby and I’ll die happy.
Bro. NoZeing Saddles
Lover of whimsy, hater of men. BUPD’s favorite brother. LinkedIn micro influencer. Neither the butt of the joke, nor the brains, but a secret (more erotic) third thing.
Bro. Brett KavaNoZe
When I was in town, I spent much of my time working out, lifting weights, or hanging out and having some beers with friends. Animal house, Caddy Shack, and Fast Times at Richmond High. Working out. Lifting weights. Too many beers. Automatic, still is. Many nights I worked out with other guys. Maybe it was because I was an only child and had no sisters. Many of us became friends with students at local catholic all girls-school: Amy, or Mora, or Megan, or Nicky. Sometimes I had too many beers, which I gladly do, and which I fully embrace. Working out? Automatic. Blacking out? Automatic. Catholic All-Girls schools? Automatic, still is.
Bro. NoZe NoZe Chanel
I am of gentle heart and massive cock, huzzah!
Bro. American PsychNoZe
There is an idea of a American PsychNoZe, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable:
I simply am not there.
Bro. Archive of our NoZe
Do NOT bring up Golden Freddy to this bitch. Lover of fanfiction and maidens, her ideal afternoon is spent stimming vigorously and collecting the numbers of all the pretty lesbians on campus (7). Her favorite art medium is mysterious ooze, she hasn’t cried in three years, and her favorite food is mysterious ooze. Huge supporter of the 4B movement.
Bro. BueNoZe Aires
¡Hola, soy Bro. BueNoze Aires! But don’t get it mixed up, I hail from Germany. My favorite things are my blonde hair, my blue eyes, and the motherland. These things also made it easy to get into my sorority. My hobbies include violent protests and playing poker with the homeless population of Waco. If you aspire to be a Noze brother, try artistic rituals. I painted with my own piss and cum like Kurt Cobain did and look at me now!
Bro. Joe DimaggiNoZe
The routine and predictability of the NFL, NHL, NBA and MLB seasons are the only thing keeping me alive. I’m afraid that once the Cowboys win a Super Bowl I will become disillusioned with the whole system and have a crisis. Once you’ve made your pilgrimage to Mecca, the Salat can appear mundane and tedious.
Bro. Dale NoZehardt
The only place you’ll find this brother is at 1501 W Loop 340 waiting to get out of the service center. Please stop by and say hello. He means it. He’s lonely.
Bro. NoZesama Bin Laden
Lover of cherry bomb shots, street tacos and Baylor basketball. If you ever see me around chances are I've been let out of captivity for my attacks, so it's highly unlikely. But if you do, free Venezuela and you can't beat me in a game of spades.